A Long Due Letter

Dear Handi Mari,

I think I have neglected you too long after e-adopting you. I have been writing things for faceless, nameless people. The same way we all seem to strive for approval of faceless, if not nameless people we may never even see. For example, mother asks me to not wear my favorite black chudidhar to some one's marriage because black is not good. Its not my marriage, not even my blood-relatives'; I probably won't know anybody there other than mother and father. May be we will bump into parents' friends - all of whom would have invariably known me when I was "this small" (downward facing palms brought near the knee). But, well, I change into something non-black.

You are stuck in Java-space. I don't know if that is fun ; cause I have never been there myself. Even if it isn't, I hope you aren't feeling too bad about it. The Real World is not assured fun place either. Its definitely not fun if you are a rare dark girl born in an otherwise fair south Indian Brahmin's family. It doesn't matter if you can play Hamsanandi on Veena, laugh at Wodehouse, get the highest section grades in Marketing papers or can convert Justified Alignment in MS Word to Left Alignment.

But I guess things will be different for you because you are a pig. I suppose they will count on you being fat and cute. Come to think of it, I think my aunts will be very happy if I am fat and cute too. But you see, I was born in 1980s - unlike them who dropped into this planet in 1940s-50s. I dont think Fat is hot or cute. Unlike them, I have dislike for 'round' female bodies. They have no idea that I used to get internally proud when they made fun of how thin and 'flat' I was.

I used past tense in the previous sentence because I am not slim any longer. As much as it is a subject of delight for my flesh-and-bloods, I hate looking into the mirror. All the Mysore Paks, Amul Butters, pizzas with extra cheese have finally showed themselves up in combination with complete lack of any physical activity. You see, I live in the real world where shallow consumerist beauty concepts are imposed on women of my age. By Designers and Cosmetics Corporate Giants. Since I am as gullible and as self-judgementless as most women, I have successfully taken the bite.

So, I have cut down on all my basic South Indian instincts of hearty rice meals. I am currently dinnering on 2 wheat chapattis; heartlessly pushing away the sambar, buttermilk, gojju, palya etc. I am also jogging, exercising and badmintoning regularly. I have eliminated post-lunch meals and pre-dinner meals.

What do female pigs have to do to remain socially acceptably beautiful? Eat more, is it? Are your Kareena Kapoors and Shilpa Shettys non-power-yoga-doing, healthily-eating plump pigs? My general knowledge tells me that is the case.

I wish I was a pig. Anything other than a human being. But that's neither there not here.

Yours,
Chetu Mari